the eternal word that brings people to God. the word that makes others want to be around other human beings forever. the word that makes for a tenuous relationship and a smooth one. the word that is the hardest to define and yet the easiest to understand. love can bring us together and some do not understand that. some see the love freely given and run far, far away from it. some wonder what the motives are behind the love that is given without cost. a covenant, if you will, not a contract. a one sided deal that says:
i love you, period. i have no expectations that you will love me in return or that you will even look at what i have done with any sort of acknowledgement, and yet...i love you. i will not stop loving you, i will love you forever even when you say i am nothing or i am a waste of time. the ends of the earth will not stop my love for you. i hope you come to understand that my love for you is something that will never end. until that time i wait and i communicate my love to you in obvious ways that you may not see (or choose to ignore). i really do not understand why you are so afraid of my love that you once accepted willingly. but i guess i don't have to, i will just continue to love, period.
who would run away from that sort of love?
Saturday, November 5, 2011
tired
of being alone and yet surrounded by so many. it is overwhelming to see smiling faces shine back in the mirror at you when you know that the real deal is a broken heart and a worn spirit. it is cumbersome to wade day after day through the mire that is life. sometimes the desire to stop wading is great and the request to be done is made. and then something makes you decide that really it isn't worth it to end the march. something makes you want to continue on in the place that includes others. but still you are tired.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Despicable me
So I read a blogger who didn't approve of this movie because of the glorification if evil. I see it another way...no matter how evil, good always prevails. The good in the girls hearts helps to win the bad guy over and out of his selfish ways. :) I love this movie!
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Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Warmer weather?
Oh how the weather reflects
My soul it is one in the same
Dark black clouds next to
Big fluffy white ones
Bright blue skies juxtaposed
With black ominous storm filled ones
Fat rain drops fall from above
While very shortly after that
A sky so clear and bright
You have to wear shades
So resonates the weather
In my soul
One moment there is rain and pain
While the next sun and fun
And no rhyme or reason
Nor understanding for it
My soul it is one in the same
Dark black clouds next to
Big fluffy white ones
Bright blue skies juxtaposed
With black ominous storm filled ones
Fat rain drops fall from above
While very shortly after that
A sky so clear and bright
You have to wear shades
So resonates the weather
In my soul
One moment there is rain and pain
While the next sun and fun
And no rhyme or reason
Nor understanding for it
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Saturday, April 30, 2011
Me. Selfish.
How selfish I have been
to pain that is around me
Inside my own hurt and grief
Isolated in this cocoon
Then suddenly when I think
My pain is to much to withstand
My eyes are open to the pain that
Is in so many lives
That run parallel to mine
Why was I so blind
Why didn't I see
It is the human condition
To care for oneself above others
I hope to change that condition
In myself, with help of course
~~ ap. 30, 2011
to pain that is around me
Inside my own hurt and grief
Isolated in this cocoon
Then suddenly when I think
My pain is to much to withstand
My eyes are open to the pain that
Is in so many lives
That run parallel to mine
Why was I so blind
Why didn't I see
It is the human condition
To care for oneself above others
I hope to change that condition
In myself, with help of course
~~ ap. 30, 2011
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Sunday, April 17, 2011
me
you see me and think i am afraid.
i'm not that's just your stereotype.
the thought is that when you approach
i am to shake in fear for your kind
is never good.
but really i see past that stereotype
i see a human who is different, yes
and yet so similar.
life has treated you in a manner that
has been difficult, i'm sure.
i am not negating the fact that life
has been easier for my kind
but you can't lump me like they
do you.
i am certainly different and you
would find that my life and yours
they aren't so different.
there are similarities if you could
see past the differences.
~~april 17, 2011
i'm not that's just your stereotype.
the thought is that when you approach
i am to shake in fear for your kind
is never good.
but really i see past that stereotype
i see a human who is different, yes
and yet so similar.
life has treated you in a manner that
has been difficult, i'm sure.
i am not negating the fact that life
has been easier for my kind
but you can't lump me like they
do you.
i am certainly different and you
would find that my life and yours
they aren't so different.
there are similarities if you could
see past the differences.
~~april 17, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
research writing
sitting at the desk
writing, writing, writing
words flowing freely
everything seemingly fits
the chances of this turning
out as we had dreamed
seemed just that, a
concoction of the mind
but now seeing it come
to fruition makes the
heart sing and the
ego swell.
~april 16, 2011
writing, writing, writing
words flowing freely
everything seemingly fits
the chances of this turning
out as we had dreamed
seemed just that, a
concoction of the mind
but now seeing it come
to fruition makes the
heart sing and the
ego swell.
~april 16, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
TOLERANCE
irrational fear
leads to
distrust
leads to
TOLERANCE
leads to
understanding
leads to
acceptance
really? it could go either way.
~~april 1, 2011
so this is a poem that reads from the inside out. read it like this "tolerance leads to distrust leads to irrational fear" THEN like this "tolerance leads to understanding leads to acceptance really? it could go up or down."
Part of this is a quote from Farewell to Manzanar a memoir about the Japanese internment in the Sierra Nevada's and the other piece is what my students and I discussed about tolerance taking the opposite spectrum and they came up with the words. I came up with the format. We discussed the idea that tolerance is "patience and putting up with someone/thing" but sometimes if you are patient long enough you realize that it really is OK that they are the way they are and once you understand them you begin to accept them for who they are.
Cool, huh? I love teaching teenagers (most days anyway)
leads to
distrust
leads to
TOLERANCE
leads to
understanding
leads to
acceptance
really? it could go either way.
~~april 1, 2011
so this is a poem that reads from the inside out. read it like this "tolerance leads to distrust leads to irrational fear" THEN like this "tolerance leads to understanding leads to acceptance really? it could go up or down."
Part of this is a quote from Farewell to Manzanar a memoir about the Japanese internment in the Sierra Nevada's and the other piece is what my students and I discussed about tolerance taking the opposite spectrum and they came up with the words. I came up with the format. We discussed the idea that tolerance is "patience and putting up with someone/thing" but sometimes if you are patient long enough you realize that it really is OK that they are the way they are and once you understand them you begin to accept them for who they are.
Cool, huh? I love teaching teenagers (most days anyway)
Library of Congress
The history in the room
fascinating and alive.
The time spent,
beneficial.
Discussions, thoughts
and understanding
brings a way to acceptance.
~~april 2, 2011
fascinating and alive.
The time spent,
beneficial.
Discussions, thoughts
and understanding
brings a way to acceptance.
~~april 2, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
LOVE!
Little boys smiles and
gifts given
just because
slowly give
way to grumbly
miles that
seem to be
able to last
forever and
then...
a light
glows one
day and
you see the
wide toothy
grin that
was once given
so freely.
~april 8, 2011
gifts given
just because
slowly give
way to grumbly
miles that
seem to be
able to last
forever and
then...
a light
glows one
day and
you see the
wide toothy
grin that
was once given
so freely.
~april 8, 2011
Repair
moving along
functioning fine
and then a
hitch happens
to my stride
a flood of
tears as my
heart appears
to be ripped out of
my chest again.
no words exchanged
no looks either
just pain
beyond repair.
~april 9, 2011
functioning fine
and then a
hitch happens
to my stride
a flood of
tears as my
heart appears
to be ripped out of
my chest again.
no words exchanged
no looks either
just pain
beyond repair.
~april 9, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tomorrow
well tomorrow is April fools day...what will happen with those crazy students of mine...i guess I shouldn't worry so much about that as about the poems that I am going to start writing and posting on here. I can't guarantee that ll of them should be published but I want some sort of accountability with writing a poem a day for the whole month of April so here would be a good place to post them and then y'all could read them and weigh in on what you think...if you are willing, cause I know you are all able.
Right now I am writing a series of poems about how my husband and met and began dating...it may turn into a book of poetry about our life together we will see where the muse leads. I have no idea. I sort of got the idea from a book I just read called, what.... what was it called??? I can't remember. When I do I will mobile blog it. There are alos numerous fictional books that are written in poetic form as opposed to prose. the kids really seem to dig this style of writing. I imaging it may be because they are reading it so fast and they feel accomplished when the finish the book quickly.
OK I know it really isn't late BUT I do teach high school and I do have to get up early, well for most 6:00 isn't THAT early but if sure feels like to comes awfully early to me even after 8 hours of rest time and a good 7 hours of actual sleep. now I am just rambling bu those of you who know me best will just feel like I am talking to you on a caffeinated high :) not caffeinated at all right now just tired and IDK ready for a change...
Good night sweet heart well it's time to go....
Right now I am writing a series of poems about how my husband and met and began dating...it may turn into a book of poetry about our life together we will see where the muse leads. I have no idea. I sort of got the idea from a book I just read called, what.... what was it called??? I can't remember. When I do I will mobile blog it. There are alos numerous fictional books that are written in poetic form as opposed to prose. the kids really seem to dig this style of writing. I imaging it may be because they are reading it so fast and they feel accomplished when the finish the book quickly.
OK I know it really isn't late BUT I do teach high school and I do have to get up early, well for most 6:00 isn't THAT early but if sure feels like to comes awfully early to me even after 8 hours of rest time and a good 7 hours of actual sleep. now I am just rambling bu those of you who know me best will just feel like I am talking to you on a caffeinated high :) not caffeinated at all right now just tired and IDK ready for a change...
Good night sweet heart well it's time to go....
Monday, March 28, 2011
Poetry month
April is poetry month a poem a day...I'm gonna try to do it
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Monday, March 21, 2011
Openness
Openness of heart and mind
Oneness of spirit feels kind
The thoughts conveyed through the veil
Make a way for us to heal.
~Feb. 23, 2011
Oneness of spirit feels kind
The thoughts conveyed through the veil
Make a way for us to heal.
~Feb. 23, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Riding
So about 5pm my friend calls. Says what are you doing? I'm eating pie, I say. I has just say myself in front of the tv with a cup of coffee and a big bowl of razzle berry pie a la mode. Oh, she says well I'm at the concert. I say this is Syn-D. I know she responds. But I didn't but tickets. I know she says but my cousin did and she's so sick she can't come do you want her ticket? What? i reply somewhat stunned at the offer lemme talk to my husband. She says yea do that and get back to me. I sit and finish my pie. Ben comes down stairs and plops on the couch. I relay what just happened his immediate response is you should go...just go! I sit for a while longer and contemplate the idea. I finish my pie, go up to the kitchen and clean my dishes. Still I contemplate. A concert? On a sunday? With friends? No children? All unheard of in recent years and yet...
So I go upstairs where ben and ferdi are working on the computer so I can ask ferdi west he thinks about this. Of course or doesn't matter to him...do what you want. So I text my friend how much? Where? $90 section 419 row b she replies. Hum? Why is it taking me so long to decide this?? Really babe its cool? So last minute...yes go! No worries...
So I go and tonight will be fun!!
So I go upstairs where ben and ferdi are working on the computer so I can ask ferdi west he thinks about this. Of course or doesn't matter to him...do what you want. So I text my friend how much? Where? $90 section 419 row b she replies. Hum? Why is it taking me so long to decide this?? Really babe its cool? So last minute...yes go! No worries...
So I go and tonight will be fun!!
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Saturday, February 12, 2011
So if that's the law...
Then shouldn't everyone who is involved with the organization try their very best to follow that law? It seems to me to be an easy thing to do, don't you? I am not going to rant or tell the whole story here. If you want to know it just ask, I will tell. The frustrating thing is this has happened several times and specifically to my son and one or two others. It is as if they don't deserved to be treated with the same kind of respect that others in the group are receiving. This incident was the straw that broke the mama's back and made me get up and leave with my son. Now he is saying that he wants to go back to the meeting this week. I am not sure I can go to the meeting with him and watch this behavior by adults again without REALLY saying something this time. Last time I held myself back so I wouldn't embarrass my son to much. He told me I don't have to go, that I could just drop him off. Them mama protector in me says that is the wrong thing to do. If I go I will need to make sure that I don't blow my top and act like they do.
The thing is, I, of all people, understand what it is like to work with teens all day. Do I loose my cool sometimes? Sure, we all do. Do I apologize to those students, the majority of the time, yes. No matter what the situation, I always come into the class every day with a new beginning. In my class we all have those days and we all should be able to get a new start the next time we come into the class. Unfortunately, in this scout case, my son has been stereo typed in a certain manner (slacker, lay about, no good, etc.)and they think that he won't change. THEY are wrong.
Is my son following all the parts of the scout law? NO WAY JOSE! He is a 13 year old boy who, just like all 13 year old boys, pushes the limits to see where they will take him. Does that mean that the adults who are supposed to be teaching him how to act in a manner befitting a scout are allowed to come down to his level? NO WAY JOSE! I expect that the adults would show the boys how to behave and help them remember the law that they promise to follow instead of acting like children themselves.
The funny thing is, it is 3 of the adults who behave this way. There are more leaders than that but these three make it an experience not worth reliving.
I am done with this for now and I feel better. I would be happy if my son said, "I'm done with scouts. I want to focus all my attention on my music and my voice." I am so proud of my son. He is an amazing human being, thoughtful, kind, faithful and honest. I am so glad he is a part of my life and I know this little bump will just be a sideline, a story, a learning time for both of us.What's really funny is the other one has said he never wants to do scouts!!! He is a soccer guy (his words). BUT, more on that later....
The thing is, I, of all people, understand what it is like to work with teens all day. Do I loose my cool sometimes? Sure, we all do. Do I apologize to those students, the majority of the time, yes. No matter what the situation, I always come into the class every day with a new beginning. In my class we all have those days and we all should be able to get a new start the next time we come into the class. Unfortunately, in this scout case, my son has been stereo typed in a certain manner (slacker, lay about, no good, etc.)and they think that he won't change. THEY are wrong.
Is my son following all the parts of the scout law? NO WAY JOSE! He is a 13 year old boy who, just like all 13 year old boys, pushes the limits to see where they will take him. Does that mean that the adults who are supposed to be teaching him how to act in a manner befitting a scout are allowed to come down to his level? NO WAY JOSE! I expect that the adults would show the boys how to behave and help them remember the law that they promise to follow instead of acting like children themselves.
The funny thing is, it is 3 of the adults who behave this way. There are more leaders than that but these three make it an experience not worth reliving.
I am done with this for now and I feel better. I would be happy if my son said, "I'm done with scouts. I want to focus all my attention on my music and my voice." I am so proud of my son. He is an amazing human being, thoughtful, kind, faithful and honest. I am so glad he is a part of my life and I know this little bump will just be a sideline, a story, a learning time for both of us.What's really funny is the other one has said he never wants to do scouts!!! He is a soccer guy (his words). BUT, more on that later....
scout law
A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly,
courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean,
and reverent.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
ANGRY!
I am really angry right now!
gonna wait till tomorrow to post what i am angry about let myself cool off before i vent on a public forum!
gonna wait till tomorrow to post what i am angry about let myself cool off before i vent on a public forum!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Friendship
Well this essay on friendship is proving harder than I expected it to be. Do I have my expectations of friendship set to high? OR am I a horrible friend? Maybe the latter is the case. I am not one to call message or in many ways communicate with other people very much, so I guess that may make me a bad friend on the outset. On the other hand I am the person who can easily pick up right where we left off and have no problem talking or otherwise communicating with people after long periods of silence.
I guess what I am thinking about with this essay is a definition of friendship...
it is a hard thing to flat define, isn't it.
The search continues!
I guess what I am thinking about with this essay is a definition of friendship...
it is a hard thing to flat define, isn't it.
The search continues!
See you again
I saw you in her
eyes tonight in
the sweep of her
hair. I missed
you when I
touched her
skin so fair.
The way she
snacks away
not really
eating is so
much like
you there's
no deceiving
she is yours.
I'm glad she
can be here
even if for
just a bit
so I can see
you again.
~Jan 30, 2011
eyes tonight in
the sweep of her
hair. I missed
you when I
touched her
skin so fair.
The way she
snacks away
not really
eating is so
much like
you there's
no deceiving
she is yours.
I'm glad she
can be here
even if for
just a bit
so I can see
you again.
~Jan 30, 2011
Friends
Friends from birth
But really strangers.
Long separations
Then intamate
Conversations.
"Love yous" exchanged
with deep sincerity.
My friend, my
sister, my family.
How is it that
we really didn't
know each others
deepest revelations?
~Jan. 29, 2011
But really strangers.
Long separations
Then intamate
Conversations.
"Love yous" exchanged
with deep sincerity.
My friend, my
sister, my family.
How is it that
we really didn't
know each others
deepest revelations?
~Jan. 29, 2011
??
Conversation?
What's that?
I don't know.
Text me,
Facebook me,
But don't
Talk to me.
That would
Take to much
Effort on
Both our parts.
~Jan 21, 2011
What's that?
I don't know.
Text me,
Facebook me,
But don't
Talk to me.
That would
Take to much
Effort on
Both our parts.
~Jan 21, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Lent and friendship
Our church is soliciting the parishioners to write a devotional for the Lenten season. I am seriously considering writing one. I have wanted to do one for several years but always made self-deprecating excuses: I'm not a writer, no-one would want to read what I write, there are other who are better writers than me, etc. I also made excuses like: I don't have time, what would I have to say that would lift people up and make them take stock in their walk, I don't wanna (read with a whiny high pitched voice). But this year I think I might put all that aside, follow that small still voice inside and DO IT! I have a verse I want to use and the content almost laid out for it. In the next few days I might post it if I get the self-confidence. You see that is my biggest problem, confidence. Yes, I appear to have it all wrapped up in a neat bow (sometimes) but really deep down I question a lot of who I am and my capabilities (don't we all?). So this year has to be my go for it year. I have stared to write poetry (albeit very depressing but none the less very cathartic) and posted it in very public forums. Thanks to those who follow this blog since this is where I am posting when I do choose to share the depths of my heart. In light of writing the Lenten devotional I had an epiphany 2 nights ago that I need to write an essay on friendship, or at least my experiences with it. As I lay in bed I had all these grand ideas of what to write...did I get up and list them on a piece of paper or even in the journal I keep by my bed??? UM, no, of course I didn't. That would mean getting up out of the warm comfy bed I sleep in and working. Now I regret that lack of action. All of the eloquent ideas that were there at midnight are now gone. I did attempt to write some things down but they all sounded trite and even a little jaded. I don't want to be depressing in all my work, at least I want to give the positive a chance too. While I realize this may seem a little fragmented to some I know that to those that know me best (my blog followers) it will make complete sense :-)
Much love to you all.
Much love to you all.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
In class today I wrote this it came out of nowhere
In light of pain
There stands a
Forrest of darkness
So black the hand
Before your face
Is a chasm.
The smiles on
Others faces but
A mirage that
Fades as the
Tears begin to fall.
You grope and crawl
You hope for it all
To end and the
Sun to rise in
The east again.
~jan. 25, 2011
There stands a
Forrest of darkness
So black the hand
Before your face
Is a chasm.
The smiles on
Others faces but
A mirage that
Fades as the
Tears begin to fall.
You grope and crawl
You hope for it all
To end and the
Sun to rise in
The east again.
~jan. 25, 2011
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Wednesday, January 12, 2011
begin
Days will pass
and not a tear
will be shed.
Laughter will
spill out honest
and true. Jokes
will be told and
stories too.
But that doesn't
mean the sadness
has come to an
end or that the
healing has even
had a chance to
begin.
~Jan 10, 2010
and not a tear
will be shed.
Laughter will
spill out honest
and true. Jokes
will be told and
stories too.
But that doesn't
mean the sadness
has come to an
end or that the
healing has even
had a chance to
begin.
~Jan 10, 2010
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Again
I see your picture
It doesn't seem
Real. How could
It be that you
Have left us here?
My spirit longs
To be with you
Again. It won't
Be long till that
Can happen
Again.
~Love you, sister!
A poem I posted to Karen's facebook wall tonight. IT just came to me as I was looking at her lovely picture on Facebook.
It doesn't seem
Real. How could
It be that you
Have left us here?
My spirit longs
To be with you
Again. It won't
Be long till that
Can happen
Again.
~Love you, sister!
A poem I posted to Karen's facebook wall tonight. IT just came to me as I was looking at her lovely picture on Facebook.
Friday, January 7, 2011
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